i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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