ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
