I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
