If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
