but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
