You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
