Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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