i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
