I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
