You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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