I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
