he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
