I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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