wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
