When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
