what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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