This girl is more easily done than said...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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