Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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