how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
