I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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