Fuck appropriateness.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
