Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
