So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my shit smells like andre
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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