She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
