eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
