but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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