I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
