it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
