wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
