do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
