i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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