we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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