just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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