oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
