You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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