just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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