The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
