paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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