Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
