Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
