It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
