I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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