it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
