So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
