plz talk dirty to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
