so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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