Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
