my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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