Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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