What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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