I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
