I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
